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R. Kelly - Out of the Closet (REMOVED)

08.10.05 @ 3:00AM Tags

In August 2005 I had an idea to boost traffic to my site. It was a really bad idea: I thought, since R. Kelly’s Advanced series Trapped in the Closet is essentially a 20-minute song that uses the same beat throughout, could you take his tale of sexual infidelity and re-cut it to tell an entirely different story? With judicious editing one could rearrange all of his words — while sticking to the beat — and come up with a new, even more ridiculous narrative. Naturally, having nothing better to do — and based on a friend’s opinion that I couldn’t pull it off — I decided to try. The result was a five chapter story in which R. Kelly confesses to a number of sexual infidelities, including several episodes with men.

It worked: the parody received something like 75,000 views in a week (I’m on a different stats system now so I can’t go back that far), and a bunch of comments running the gamut from “this is the funniest thing ever” to “you must be the most pathetic human being in the world.” They’re all preserved here for posterity’s sake (they’re split onto pages, so only the latest are displayed unless you click on the previous page numbers at the bottom).

I knew it was a terrible idea, but since I couldn’t think of anyone else having done this before (that is, mocking a song by using the original singer’s own voice, and taking his words completely out of context), I had to see it through. Also, it goes without saying, although I’m saying it anyway, that the same guy who does ridiculous things like naming an album 12 Play–”because it’s three times better than foreplay”–should have the tables turned on him, sexually. Including the kitchen table. (That was a reference to another song of his, In the Kitchen, which does not touch on any culinary topics, although it may include references to cunnilingus). Because R. Kelly never released an a cappella version of the song, the audio editing took longer than I expected and took some fairly advanced maneuvering to pull off. And yes, I wanted to take the story in a different, preferably more original, direction, but I had to work with what I had–and the lyrics to Trapped in the Closet didn’t really lend themselves to anything else.

Anyway, I still think the resulting song is impressive from an audio editing standpoint, but I’ve taken it down — sorry I couldn’t “keep it on the download.”

COMMENT POLICY

We’re all here for the same reason: to better ourselves as writers, directors, cinematographers, producers, photographers... whatever our creative pursuit. Criticism is valuable as long as it is constructive, but personal attacks are grounds for deletion; you don't have to agree with us to learn something. We’re all here to help each other, so thank you for adding to the conversation!

Description image 59 COMMENTS

  • mr, r.kElly on 08.13.05 @ 1:43AM

    i go na sue yo ass.

  • Due you are an ass hole your song is so gay and dosnt make any since why do you got to mess with r kelly he could kick your ass you little prik

  • Wassapening..!?
    Haha..!
    Mang..!
    I also planned of doing this when I saw it on MTV..
    You’re creative mang..!
    It’s damn funnier before I heard it..
    The lyrics was so ludicrous..
    And the beat wasn’t messed up..
    Real great work..

  • HOLY CRAP that was the funniest thing i have ever heard!!! great work

  • Het, A$E, are you one of the girls he pissd on?

  • That was really well done! I can imagine it took awhile to do. It’s pretty funny that A$E said “it doesn’t make sense”…uh, does R Kelly having a career really make sense?

  • WOW….I GUESS THAT MEANS WHAT WE HEAR ON THE RADIO COULD ACTUALLY BE MADE UP…..LIKE SONGS FROM 2PAC AFTER HE DIED! OR THAT JAY-Z (I’M A BITTER NOT A WRITER) BITTIN BIG PAPPA’s WORDS!….HMMM?! I WONDER!……NO PUN INTENDED!

  • Talk about creativity…DAMN!!!!!

    What can one say but applaud this creative master piece. Well Done… People should learn that if they live in glass houses should not through stones. Kelly had it cumming (No Puns intended) Where does such creativity come from.

  • This is the shit dude, much props…

  • Rkelly is a very big musical influence in my life so
    by me hearing this stupid piece of crap that you call a song you
    have not only made yourself look bad you disrespected other songwriters like myself.

  • Dude this song is hilarious hahahaha i laughed so hard mad props to u. And If some ppl are disturbed or shocked at this song then….too bad.

  • Funny as hell… very creative, how long did this take???

  • R. Kelly, i love u, fuck everybody that got something 2 say about your song, i love what u are doing keep on doing it!

  • Mi Dik Izinya on 09.22.05 @ 11:25AM

    nevermind all the haters, this ish is funny.. most are jealous cuz they didn;t think of this idea furst…

  • R kelly’s not gay he’s just a pedophile LOL great song :)

  • yelle did r kelly piss on u when u were 14????? fuckin funny as hell man, good work :) :) :)

  • i have a good idea, share this on p2p networks as traapped in the closet prt 6 abnd piss of r kelly fans :)

  • OK you should make CD COver Art for Ipod users etc ;) as well as you should split this into seperate mp3′s for each chapter (i counted about 3) THIS WOULD BE GREATLY APPRICCIATED AND FUNNY AS HELL you could edit R. Kelly’s real TP3 cover art :)

  • Ahhh…. how did you know my secret… *Music Plays* I call my lawyer ask him if i can sue, i says yes, he says no, i says yes, he says no…. lol

  • Props to you man, this is better than the original version! lol When my sister first saw the title of this song, she thought it meant exactly what you re-mixed. lol Chuck…

  • Thanks for the comments.

    I did think about spliting the song into chapters–it would be a full 5 chapters (see the lyrics)–but ended up keeping it as one. I don’t remember what my reasoning was. Cover art is a good idea, I’ll throw some on there.

    Glad people are laughing about this.

    And for the people who are offended, sorry; I’m sure you’ll get over it.

  • I don’t think many people who listen to this can appreciate the type of editing u must of done to pull this off. Really funny and a brilliant piece.

  • what can i say – i nearly wet myself laughing – absolutely amazing!!!

  • I love what you are doing with this song maybe in the future you could produce a movie about Trapped in the closet. Great song keep up the excellent work you are doing.
    Much Love from you lovin’ fan

  • funniest shit ive ever heard. period. fuck all of you who thinks this song is gay. its awesome.

  • im wit my sammy.This is the funniest stuff ive heard.Keep up da goo work

  • This Shit is crazy!!! It’s Bananas!!!! Good Job Man!!!

  • Da911Lunatic on 10.23.05 @ 7:21PM

    A Fuck every body who say they dislike that shit or mad cause u making fun of him. Fuck all that – that was some funny ass shit and they kno it. And just cause we make fun of shit dont mean we dislike him dumb ass people cause yall do the same shit every day but dont kno it

  • I LOVE R.KELLY U IS MY BABY DADDY WE GON GET MARRIED WHEN YOU LEAVE THAT BITCH U WIT ANY WAYS CALL ME AT 3202027919

  • Devante - Uganda on 11.11.05 @ 7:44AM

    Wow – he is moving towards the closet, now he starts to kiss me in the closet!, part one deserves an extension – this gay religious guy trying to make a move on mr. Kelly

    part 6 – Mr. Kelly links up with the police man’s wife for a nyt of passion in Kampala, Uganda

    Can somebody patent closet cartoons and handicrafts? this chapter 1 to 5 thing is the bomb

  • Obsidian Blue on 11.26.05 @ 4:55PM

    You deserved to be sued. This shit is dope as hell. Props.

  • Elasu Moses on 11.29.05 @ 2:19PM

    If ya dont know what kelly is telling the world then your on some other planet other that earth. Listen to the lyrics and get the meaning…
    Does your GF or BF treat you like that do they ever get trapped in the closet…
    Think about it..
    BIG UP FOR Kellyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

  • this is a little mean why didnt you just make the parody about food

  • THIS IS SOME BULL SHIT

  • wad up kel forget what the hatters say dey just wish they was you. but i think you doing a good job keep it up.
    i know all the wordz to trapped in the closet except for the ones that havent came out yet.. well i gotta go.

  • genericusername on 01.28.06 @ 5:10AM

    Gotta give you props on this one… I laughed multiple times… “I-DONT-LIKE-GIRLS…” “…I-DO-LIKE-GUYS!” lmao… this is my favorite kind of audio editing to do ;) 5′ed/5

  • Anakin Skywalker on 01.28.06 @ 3:43PM

    How’d you seperate the two so well? Impressive, most impressive. The, “I swear I’m out!” You couldn’t hear the bg music it originally had in that at all, and the parts where the beat thickens, damn….I’ve been looking for a way to add that part to the instrumental. E-mail me with anything you know trip.

  • Can’t be sued over this, parody is protected speech. Also, he’s not making any money off of it. Good job.

  • This is fantastic, now all you need to do is convince R Kelly to be in the video.

  • shit, think, shit, think, shit, shitshitshit AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  • matt snowden on 05.15.06 @ 9:37AM

    Top work. I still can’t believe how awful the original song is. R Kelly deserves to be parodied as much as possible. When I first saw the TITC videos I almost wet myself. People who take it seriously need to get their head checked.

    nice one!

  • I actually like the original but this had me crackin up! Esp. the my minds tellin me no part. Its all in fun people shouldn’t be offended. Good job

  • Mrs. Kay Kelly on 09.18.06 @ 9:26PM

    Whoever made these versions of my husbands’ songs are some true live haters. You must be the most pathethic human being in the world to do something so stupid just for a few laughs. Whether he did what he did or not, he still has more money and more hoes than you. I bet you sit at home and play with yourself all day and talk on the chat line cause you probably ugly and have no money. Stop hatin’ and grow up punk!!!!!!!!!!

  • Thanks, that is the single greatest comment I’ve ever received (excluding these).

  • This was awesome work but the one thing I think would funnier would if be when the cop busts him peeing on the girl and he says “officer I thought she was 18″ he said “officer I thought she was a midget”.

  • OMG THIS IS THE FUNNIEST SHIT I HAVE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE!!!!!

  • GOD LOOKING AT YOU ALL. LEAVE HIM ALONE.

  • geeza this is some funny shit too much repect for making this r kelly is a chich anyway he got it coming to him. badman you shouldn;t stop with this you should try it with some other artists like paris hilton or something i have no idea why she’s singing either

  • This has got to be the funniest thing I have ever heard! I always knew something was weird about him though…

  • You have to make a sequel to this! I love the part where he’s like “I have somethin I must confeeeaaaheeaheahheaehaahahaheheaheheheaheaheheahaeeahaaahhaaeheahahehaheahaheeaaahhass!”

  • THAT WAS THE WORST THING I EVER HEARD!!!! ITS THE PLANET 9 OF SONGS!!!!!!!!!

  • Reggie Williams on 05.10.07 @ 8:57PM

    I was skeptical at first but this had me on the floor. The “Bump and Grind” samples really put it over the top.

  • LOL, the only thing that would’ve made this funnier is if a music video could be made. Somebody’s gotta do that.

  • Ryan (austin) on 09.8.07 @ 5:12PM

    bravo… holy shit that was amazing. that had to be hillarious to put together

  • Top rated bro.. don’t EVER make a video!

  • I’m mad you took it down man, bring it back!!!!!!!! I found this on MYSPACE years ago and had everyone in my office dying laughing.

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