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R. Kelly - Out of the Closet (REMOVED)

08.10.05 @ 3:00AM Tags

In August 2005 I had an idea to boost traffic to my site. It was a really bad idea: I thought, since R. Kelly’s Advanced series Trapped in the Closet is essentially a 20-minute song that uses the same beat throughout, could you take his tale of sexual infidelity and re-cut it to tell an entirely different story? With judicious editing one could rearrange all of his words — while sticking to the beat — and come up with a new, even more ridiculous narrative. Naturally, having nothing better to do — and based on a friend’s opinion that I couldn’t pull it off — I decided to try. The result was a five chapter story in which R. Kelly confesses to a number of sexual infidelities, including several episodes with men.

It worked: the parody received something like 75,000 views in a week (I’m on a different stats system now so I can’t go back that far), and a bunch of comments running the gamut from “this is the funniest thing ever” to “you must be the most pathetic human being in the world.” They’re all preserved here for posterity’s sake (they’re split onto pages, so only the latest are displayed unless you click on the previous page numbers at the bottom).

I knew it was a terrible idea, but since I couldn’t think of anyone else having done this before (that is, mocking a song by using the original singer’s own voice, and taking his words completely out of context), I had to see it through. Also, it goes without saying, although I’m saying it anyway, that the same guy who does ridiculous things like naming an album 12 Play–”because it’s three times better than foreplay”–should have the tables turned on him, sexually. Including the kitchen table. (That was a reference to another song of his, In the Kitchen, which does not touch on any culinary topics, although it may include references to cunnilingus). Because R. Kelly never released an a cappella version of the song, the audio editing took longer than I expected and took some fairly advanced maneuvering to pull off. And yes, I wanted to take the story in a different, preferably more original, direction, but I had to work with what I had–and the lyrics to Trapped in the Closet didn’t really lend themselves to anything else.

Anyway, I still think the resulting song is impressive from an audio editing standpoint, but I’ve taken it down — sorry I couldn’t “keep it on the download.”

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We’re all here for the same reason: to better ourselves as writers, directors, cinematographers, producers, photographers... whatever our creative pursuit. Criticism is valuable as long as it is constructive, but personal attacks are grounds for deletion; you don't have to agree with us to learn something. We’re all here to help each other, so thank you for adding to the conversation!

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  • Obsidian Blue on 11.26.05 @ 4:55PM

    You deserved to be sued. This shit is dope as hell. Props.

  • Elasu Moses on 11.29.05 @ 2:19PM

    If ya dont know what kelly is telling the world then your on some other planet other that earth. Listen to the lyrics and get the meaning…
    Does your GF or BF treat you like that do they ever get trapped in the closet…
    Think about it..
    BIG UP FOR Kellyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

  • this is a little mean why didnt you just make the parody about food

  • THIS IS SOME BULL SHIT

  • wad up kel forget what the hatters say dey just wish they was you. but i think you doing a good job keep it up.
    i know all the wordz to trapped in the closet except for the ones that havent came out yet.. well i gotta go.

  • genericusername on 01.28.06 @ 5:10AM

    Gotta give you props on this one… I laughed multiple times… “I-DONT-LIKE-GIRLS…” “…I-DO-LIKE-GUYS!” lmao… this is my favorite kind of audio editing to do ;) 5′ed/5

  • Anakin Skywalker on 01.28.06 @ 3:43PM

    How’d you seperate the two so well? Impressive, most impressive. The, “I swear I’m out!” You couldn’t hear the bg music it originally had in that at all, and the parts where the beat thickens, damn….I’ve been looking for a way to add that part to the instrumental. E-mail me with anything you know trip.

  • Can’t be sued over this, parody is protected speech. Also, he’s not making any money off of it. Good job.

  • This is fantastic, now all you need to do is convince R Kelly to be in the video.

  • shit, think, shit, think, shit, shitshitshit AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  • matt snowden on 05.15.06 @ 9:37AM

    Top work. I still can’t believe how awful the original song is. R Kelly deserves to be parodied as much as possible. When I first saw the TITC videos I almost wet myself. People who take it seriously need to get their head checked.

    nice one!

  • I actually like the original but this had me crackin up! Esp. the my minds tellin me no part. Its all in fun people shouldn’t be offended. Good job

  • Mrs. Kay Kelly on 09.18.06 @ 9:26PM

    Whoever made these versions of my husbands’ songs are some true live haters. You must be the most pathethic human being in the world to do something so stupid just for a few laughs. Whether he did what he did or not, he still has more money and more hoes than you. I bet you sit at home and play with yourself all day and talk on the chat line cause you probably ugly and have no money. Stop hatin’ and grow up punk!!!!!!!!!!

  • Thanks, that is the single greatest comment I’ve ever received (excluding these).

  • This was awesome work but the one thing I think would funnier would if be when the cop busts him peeing on the girl and he says “officer I thought she was 18″ he said “officer I thought she was a midget”.

  • OMG THIS IS THE FUNNIEST SHIT I HAVE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE!!!!!

  • GOD LOOKING AT YOU ALL. LEAVE HIM ALONE.

  • geeza this is some funny shit too much repect for making this r kelly is a chich anyway he got it coming to him. badman you shouldn;t stop with this you should try it with some other artists like paris hilton or something i have no idea why she’s singing either

  • This has got to be the funniest thing I have ever heard! I always knew something was weird about him though…

  • You have to make a sequel to this! I love the part where he’s like “I have somethin I must confeeeaaaheeaheahheaehaahahaheheaheheheaheaheheahaeeahaaahhaaeheahahehaheahaheeaaahhass!”

  • THAT WAS THE WORST THING I EVER HEARD!!!! ITS THE PLANET 9 OF SONGS!!!!!!!!!

  • Reggie Williams on 05.10.07 @ 8:57PM

    I was skeptical at first but this had me on the floor. The “Bump and Grind” samples really put it over the top.

  • LOL, the only thing that would’ve made this funnier is if a music video could be made. Somebody’s gotta do that.

  • Ryan (austin) on 09.8.07 @ 5:12PM

    bravo… holy shit that was amazing. that had to be hillarious to put together

  • Top rated bro.. don’t EVER make a video!

  • I’m mad you took it down man, bring it back!!!!!!!! I found this on MYSPACE years ago and had everyone in my office dying laughing.

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