No Film School

If you are unfamiliar with this new and ridiculous ratings system, please refer to the Actual Movies, Explained page.

Actual Movies

• After Innocence¹
• Batman Begins
• Bob Dylan: No Direction Home
• Closer¹
• The Constant Gardener
• Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room
• The Self-Made Man
• Why We Fight¹

Pseudo-Actual Movies

• Charlie_____________________ory⁵
• Corpse Bride
• A History of Violence
• Hotel Rwanda
• How to Eat Your Watermelon in White Company (and Enjoy It)
• The Incredibles
• March of the Penguins
• The Motorcycle Diaries
• Ray⁶
• Rize
• Shake Hands with the Devil
• Sideways
• Sin City

Not Actual Movies

• The 40 Year Old Virgin
• The Aviator
• Born Into Brothels
• Broken Flowers
• _______ and the Chocolate Fact___⁵
• Constantine^{3, 2}
• Crash
• The Education of Shelby Knox
• Elektra^{3, 2}
• Fantastic Four⁴
• Finding Neverland
• Four Brothers³
• The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
• House of Flying Daggers
• The Island
• Kung Fu Hustle
• The Machinist
• Mr. and Mrs. Smith
• Ong-Bak: Thai Warrior
• Star Wars Episode III
• War of the Worlds
• Wedding Crashers

¹ Yes, yes, yesssssss! See this film at all costs, even if your only option is to see it with someone who is an ex-spouse, or criminal (or both).

² No, no, no. This is terrible. Your two hours would be better spent at a WNBA game.

³ This disclaimer is devoted to the film that I saw against my will, either by being dragged to the theater or by just happening to be in a room where it was on the Pacifying Device. Verdicts on this film are generally obvious and expected (in fact, many times this movie would have been tagged with a 4 (see below)), but it was included on this list just so I could feel like I got something out of watching it.

⁴ Either I did not see this film, or it is not even out yet, yet I still passed judgment on it. Not having been born yesterday, I managed to save between $5 and $12 by avoiding this film. If a 4 is later removed, it means I was unsuccessful at avoiding it.

⁵ When a film is split up into multiple categories, it means that the film cleanly divides into different ratings–by half, by act, by location, etc. If the first half of a film was great and the second half was terrible, then the text of the title is divided in a similar manner–the portion of a film’s running time that falls under the particular rating is written out under that heading, and the rest of it is written out as _____. If a film bounces back and forth frequently during its running time, it generally just falls into the “Pseudo” category; the split rating is reserved for situations where there were distinct, palatable changes in quality.

⁶ Bumped up a category due to Jamie Foxx’s performance.