January 17, 2017 at 3:16PM

2

Feedback on my short film concept.

Hello everyone, I have to write the script for a 10 minute short for my Intro to screenwriting class, and I would love your feedback on my idea.

It's about a retired hitman whose 8 year old daughter has a terminal disease which can only be cured with a very expensive surgery that he can`t afford.
After months of trying to collect the money he gets a call from his old employer who tells him he will cover all medical expenses if he takes on last mission, in which the victim is his life-long best friend. So he has to make the choice to either murder his best and only friend and save his daughter or refuse to do it and most likely seal his daughters fate

3 Comments

I like elements of the idea but...
The retiree forced to take one last job is done to death.
The surgery nobody can afford is done to death.
You can still make a good movie with your plot (Hollywood literally has 80 some odd plots they've used for decades) but the characters have to be really compelling, which is hard to develop in a short.

January 18, 2017 at 8:22AM

4
Reply

People who need to have surgery to save their life get the surgery in this country. You don't have to pay in advance, you are just billed afterward. That's how it works in this country. There are not people dying here because they need life saving surgery that they cannot afford. In other countries, everyone has health coverage. So, that aspect of the plot doesn't fly with me.

January 19, 2017 at 11:35PM

4
Reply

Write it and make it. That's the only way you will ever know if it works. As mentioned above you aren't treading in any new territory but neither are Leon the Professional, Inception, or Unforgiven. What have you got to lose but a few hours?

January 21, 2017 at 11:50PM

2
Reply

Your Comment