UPDATE: It seems I was wrong, but not before others picked up on this idea. As it turns out, the Google Nexus One isn’t nearly as disruptive as a VOIP-driven, ad-supported device could be. I still maintain that the below is possible, and hopefully we’ll see it one day soon.

This isn’t specific to film, but considering mobile devices today are much more than just phones — they’re connected computers that serve as our digital, personal assistants — this has bearing on how all of us will be interacting with each other (and content) in the future. So I thought I’d throw around some unqualified and totally speculative speculation about What’s Next when it comes to mobile platforms.

Lots of talk today about Chrome OS, the forthcoming operating system from Google. It’s a browser- and cloud-based operating system, and it’s definitely on its way. But yesterday the buzz was all about the forthcoming/not coming Google Phone, which everyone seems to disagree on. TechCrunch claimed it exists, despite Google’s assertion that they wouldn’t release their own phone and cannibalize sales by hardware partners (Motorola, Samsung, et al). Indeed, it’s hard to believe Google would develop their own device when they already have a strong hand in developing said hardware, as they reportedly did with the Motorola Droid (of which I’m a current user). But then TechCrunch speculated that the Gphone may not be a traditional cellular phone but rather a mobile VoIP device that uses Google Voice (similar to Skype) to handle all calling. Now their assertion starts to make sense, as Google Voice is already a game-changing application on Google’s mobile OS, Android (which is different from Chrome). On my Droid, I’m already using Google Voice to send SMS messages for free, bypassing the carrier’s ridiculous $20/month messaging charge ($30/month for data is understandable, but text messages are just that — data — and infinitesimally small bits at that, making the additional fee downright offensive). In Android, you can select what to use Google Voice for — all calls, international calls, or not at all. Say you turn it on for “all calls.” Now when you place a call you’re not even using your carrier’s voice network.

See where this is going? Text messages are data. Calls can be treated as data. TechCrunch’s assertion that it’ll be a data-only device is convincing. But it seems unlikely Google would make their own hardware, right? They’re a web services company, and no matter how smart their engineers and programmers are, they’d have no reason to jump into the personal electronics game, where margins are razor-thin and companies are foundering by the dozens. As more and more smartphones hit the market, the hardware will become commodified; a high resolution screen, multitouch, and decent speaker will get the job done. Android’s touch keyboard in landscape mode is the same thing as the iPhone’s, and it works fine; the iPhone’s competitors are catching up to the iPhone and the iPhone itself isn’t innovating as much either (from a hardware standpoint, the 3GS was just a faster 3G).

Google wouldn’t jump into the hardware game to build a better device (they already work with manufacturers on that) or to try to create something to compete at the iPhone’s price point. The reason Google would jump into the hardware game is to manufacturer something cheaply to give away for free.

If Google’s basic business model is, “give people something they want, charge nothing, and make money via targeted advertising,” then the mobile phone is the final frontier. Instead of web advertising motivating users to click on a hyperlink, mobile advertising gets someone to walk into a physical store. If you’re walking down the street and you search for Pizza, the results you get could be paid for. When you Google something in your browser today, this is already the case; there are the algorithm results, and then there are the Sponsored Links. Each time you click on a link, the advertiser pays Google. In the case of mobile search, when you find a store using Google Maps and then physically walk into that store, the GPS in your phone can report that as an acquisition; the store would then pay Google for the added foot traffic.

I’m not entirely convinced that Google will “make” their own phone (I say “make” because even if they do, it’d likely just be an unbranded Toshiba/Samsung/LG device). With Chrome their plan is to allow hardware partners to produce their own variants of Google’s reference designs; if they’re not going to build their own netbook, why would they build their own phone? If they did release a phone themselves, they’d have to have an ulterior motive. They could build a simple, straightforward, free device, make a billion in order to get costs as low as possible, and release it worldwide, all in the name of collecting obscene amounts of user data along the way. But they’re going to do this anyway with Android and Chrome and all their web apps, without giving away a piece of loss-leading hardware.

More likely is the possibility of a Google Plan as a free, lower-bandwidth alternative to plans from Verizon and AT&T. People worry far too much about the price of the device itself, as if the difference between plunking down $100 and $200 at the store means anything when you’re contractually signing away $2,400 on the spot (a two year contract at $100/month). Based on that knowledge, carriers subsidize the price of a device as long as you sign their hefty contract; seen this way, many phones today are already “free.” Therefore, it’s not the the device that matters. It’s the service. And it’s going to be free.

The money Google brings in from mobile advertising (they just purchased mobile ad provider AdMob for $750 million) will more than cover any data charges they will subsidize a carrier (this was probably why they bid $4.6 billion on that 700mHz spectrum). You won’t have a monthly bill. You’ll just have a free device that does everything.

Of course, the phone will be reporting your whereabouts and activities to Google Mothership, and this raises all sorts of privacy concerns, etc. etc. But Google already scrapes data from much of our lives anyway, especially those of us who use Android or Gmail or Gmaps. What’s a little more personal info, when it comes down to it? Privacy ain’t free.

You’ll need a couple of tools to perform this operation, but you would need these same tools to install a replacement fan as well, so you’re still saving fifty bucks (or more, if you were going to take it in to be repaired). They should total up to less than $15:

• T6 Torx screwdriver
• 00 Phillips screwdriver
• Graphite lubricant or WD-40

You also might want to get some compressed air to clean out the dusty innards of your machine (I added one to my order just to make it to the $25 free shipping mark at Amazon, and it ended up being quite handy).

As reported in the comments below, this repair works on both 15″ and 17″ versions, going back to 2006 and including the newer “unibody” models (unibody disassembly instructions are slightly different, but the repair requires the exact same set of tools). UPDATE: the new MacBook Pros introduced in April 2010 drop the Torx screws for Triwing screws; you’ll need a Triwing screwdriver to complete the repair.

The first step is to disassemble the laptop, for which you’ll need the aforementioned T6 Torx and Phillips screwdriver; it’s best to print and follow these instructions. This undertaking is categorized by iFixit as “difficult” — and while I would downgrade that rating to “easy if you’re coordinated,” you may want to go a different route if you’re not comfortable with the idea of your laptop looking like the one at left.

After you’ve extracted the fan from the Mac’s innards, the fan assembly comes apart quite easily (by undoing two Phillips screws), into three pieces. The inside of the fan assembly (illustrated in the brilliant photo below) is the noise culprit — it just needs to be cleaned and lubed.

Get rid of any debris using a lint-free cloth. Then, you could apply some graphite lubricant to the axle (illustrated by the subtle red arrow). But all I had handy was some WD-40, so I applied a bit to the axle, reassembled the fan, and everything went back together, quietly.

After reassembling the laptop (follow the directions in reverse), use the app smcFanControl to ramp up your fans to full speed for 30 seconds or so, and when you drop them back down to normal RPMs, the lubricant should have set. The Mac once again operates as it should, silently. Problem solved!

Why would you walk around with a shirt like this? Are you telling the world, “I’m going to die?” Are you telling others they’re going to die? I cannot begin to fathom why you would want a picture of your own head, circa 2090, emblazoned on your shirt. Do members of the opposite sex look at you and think, “yeah, that person must be good in the sack, because they have a human skull on their chest?”

Whatever. I’m too comfortable with my offline machinations to be self-conscious about my recent foray into online tech journalism. Although I will say that I learned a valuable lesson about the current state of the internet and the way traffic spikes–frankly, for the feature, my review methodology was not at all sound, and I was merely trying to get the review up before the weekend officially started, yet the timing ended up being more important than anything else. Regardless, I found it amusing when, in response to my recent propensity for blogging, someone called me a “nerrrrrrd” (via IM), especially when that someone hosts a weekly videogame show on GameSpot (just kidding, Rich).

Anyway, after much finagling, my MacBook Pro is on its way. Yes, I’m switching to a Mac. Why? Well, in this case, Final Cut Pro was a strong enough gateway drug to convince me to pay a visit to the dealer. Also, while I’m all-too familiar with the innards of PCs, I was tired of the paradox of choice–in Windows, there are too many applications and controls, and I just want the damn thing to work so I can be productive. I’ll keep my HP workstation around as a big, messy box of applications, storage space, and virus-protectors, and I’ll use the Mac laptop as a nice, pared-down, mobile model of productivity. That’s the theory, at least.

There are a number of drawbacks to my decision to switch to Mac, chief of which is my inability to use Microsoft OneNote, which is a terrific idea/journal/organizer program. Furthermore, one thing is undeniable: PCs are cheaper. And seeing as I haven’t been gainfully employed in almost a year, I was asked by a friend, “how in the hell are you affording this?” Good question.

After spending most the day in a Connecticut coffee shop, writing by hand on blank, unlined paper (I accidentally left my legal pad at a friend’s house in DC), I realized it was time to bite the bullet. So how does a starving artist with no full-time employment afford not only a MacBook Pro, but also another nonessential Apple purchase made back in December? If you head over to Apple.com and order a 2GHz MacBook Pro and 60GB video iPod, with tax, you’re looking at a hefty fee of $3,100. In my case, though, the two devices are going to end up costing me almost nothing. Here’s how:

-$2000: My Emerging Artist Grant from the NEA/DAC. I’m going to end up splitting the $2k between the MacBook and a copy of Final Cut Studio, but for now, it’s all going towards the laptop.
-$310: I actually got a free iPod from freeipods.com (I would not, NOT recommend this to anyone else), and promptly sold it on eBay (this was back when I was still anti-Apple).
-$267: My old MP3 player, a Rio Karma, bit the dust while it was still covered under Best Buy’s extended replacement plan, and they sent me a full refund. I used this towards the new iPod.
-$200: Amazon.com does not have physical retail stores like Apple does, so there is no sales tax.
-$150: Amazon also has a substantial mail-in rebate on the laptop.
-$75: I actually signed up for the Amazon VISA card, because of the rewards you get on a purchase of this size, and because…
-$30: Amazon also offers an instant discount for signing up for their card (this is the first time I’ve ever bit on one of these offers).

So, when it’s all said and done, for over $3,000 of Apple hardware, what did I pay out-of-pocket?

$68.

Here in New York, that’ll get you a steak, a vegetarian dish for your date, and a couple of cocktails. Depending on the restaurant, maybe just the steak.

If you’re an affluent first-worlder (not a word, I know), being cheap is one of the ugliest qualities you can possess–it’s just paper, it’s just numbers, it’s just money. I’m not trying to encourage penny-penching. But if being smart with your money can enable you–and I consider both of these purchases to enable me to get a lot of work done in the short-term, and to be a better filmmaker in the long run–then it’s obviously worth it. Thanks to the Durham Arts Council for the grant (this is a sad excuse for a thank you post, but my original post was lost to the wolves and the time for re-writing it has passed), and thanks to…

Wait, I almost forgot–as a filmmaker, both of these items are tax-deductible! By the time I’m done cooking the books, they’re going to be paying me.

Don’t buy anyone a Sony digital camera.

My DSC-P150 just broke yesterday, after 14 months of occasional use. Sony’s planned obsolescence worked to perfection here: the manufacturer’s warranty is only 12 months. Way to go. Also, a friend of mine, who recently sold his Sony on eBay, was just informed by the buyer that his camera kicked the bucket after a week of use (apparently he sold it just in time). And the Sony owned by another friend of mine broke right before she was going to New Zealand, forcing her to do the unthinkable: take along a regular film camera.

So that’s three Sonys that have broken in the past month that I know of. Curiosity got the better of me and I tried to fix mine (the LCD panel started flickering, and then just stopped lighting up altogether), so I dissected it and ended up repeatedly shocking myself, all to no avail. I hoped my Asianness would get me past the fact that I had no idea what I was doing, but alas, I was unable to repair it.

Besides, in my experience Canon cameras render images that look more similar to what my own visual memory looks like–whereas the Sony sometimes produces pleasing images, its colors (too much red) and contrast levels (crushed blacks) just don’t come anywhere near the human eye’s own renderings. Good riddance.

After years of trying to avoid the iPod, because a) everyone has it, and b) I thought it sounded like crap, I finally gave in and got one. Why? Well as I was running out of space on my trusty, ugly, great-sounding Rio Karma, Apple was announcing that their new iPod plays video. This seemed like a no-brainer transition because, as an aspiring filmmaker, I could load full-framerate H.264 video on the iPod and show it to anyone, anytime. And while I thought the biggest part of Apple’s announcement was not the new iPods themselves, but rather the fact that you could purchase TV shows for $1.99 apiece–a significant shift in the revenue stream for television networks, and film content as well–the new iPod nevertheless inspired a bit of involuntary consumer lust in me. Especially since it comes in black, which I can plug a regular pair of headphones into, and thus avoid looking like a walking ad for the early 2000’s (which is what the ubiquitous white headphone cord will be remembered for). Or headphone cords at all, for that matter–it’s only a matter of time before we have high-quality wireless headphones. But the white cord is a particularly egregious offense. No shit. I understand you are listening to music. Why are you not breakdancing this very minute?

I was worried that the new iPod hadn’t improved in sound quality since the early models I’d listened to, which sounded canned and bass-deficient, but that fear was assuaged by some of the audiophiles on various sound quality and headphone forums.

Thus I became the one-billionth person to order an iPod last week. The Fedex tracking number Apple sent me Wednesday night said it was coming straight from Shanghai. I had selected “free shipping,” so I expected it to take a week or so. Then, Friday I logged onto Fedex.com to see where in the world my shiny object was, and it said “2:32 PM– Left at front door. Package delivered to recipient address. Release authorized.” What?! I’m sitting right here! No way. So I go downstairs, open the door, and there it is, sitting on the front porch. It took less than two days to get here from China. The globe is getting smaller. The World Wide Web is closer than my front door. Crazy.

I often wonder what my kids are going to say one day when I tell them that I had no internet, no e-mail, no instant messenger, and no cell phone growing up–all of the connectivity they couldn’t imagine living without, I didn’t have. Of course by the time I have kids (which will not be for a long, long time if I can help it), who knows what other developments there will have been. By the time they reach adolescence, I’ll be telling them “we had to sheath ourselves in latex to have sex! Latex!” And they’ll look at me as if they can’t believe their father is talking about sex–gross! And then I’ll say, just to piss them off, “your mom and I are still fucking like rabbits. In every position you can imagine, and then some.”

Or maybe I’ll be divorced already. Or maybe I’ll never get married–I’m still not sure what I think of that whole institution. As a twentysomething, it’s an issue you are either ultra-conscious of, or ultra-conscious of avoiding.

Anyway, back to the fingerprint magnet. iTunes asked me to name my iPod, which made me wonder how many people in the world named their iPods i[Something], and patted themselves on the back for being clever. I couldn’t resist the temptation either, but since self-awareness is half the battle, I went with iConform. And patted myself on the back.

My reel looks decent on the 2.5″ screen, although the iPod is only 65,000 colors, so the color gradations on the intro and outro animations are not at all smooth. Also, there are no brightness/contrast/saturation controls whatsoever; this is either because Apple wants to keep things simple, or because they want to save those controls for the widescreen, DVD-resolution iPod Movie, which you know is coming out in a year. Or less.

But it sounds good. Really good. Not good enough to make me do this, though.

Yes, it’s a rip-off MPC, the popularity of which I honestly did not understand until I was at a Guitar Center recently and realized why they’re so ubiquitous: you just mash on the damn thing. It’s like drumming on your desk with your fingers, except instead of sounding like wood, it sounds like… whatever you want it to. Welcome to the wonderful world of sampling! Also, it takes no special talent or knowledge whatsoever because, and excuse my non-PC-ness, it’s fucking retarded.

I love it.

Well of course this thing, which I didn’t think was going to arrive at my place for another few days (“this thing” being the M-Audio Trigger Finger, which is approximately 1/10th the cost of a real, sampling MPC) shows up the day before the grant application deadline. No human being in this world possesses the superpowers necessary to resist a shiny new toy when there is important work to be done. So there it is, sitting in a box next to me, as I sit there trying to explain to a committee of people why they should give me money. For a short while I managed to avoid it, not unlike the Bush administration manages to avoid accountability, but as soon as writer’s block set in… Out the thing came, like a replacement FEMA head.

And of course it didn’t work. After a half hour of messing with the shiny, slightly-too-plasticky device, I finally got it working with the computer (for non-Asians, it’d probably take at least an hour). And when I finally did? There’s a delay between when you hit the pad and when the drum sounds! Useless! Like an Arabian Horse Association commissioner put in charge of a life-and-death federal agency responsible for managing national emergencies!

Further investigation has revealed that I have to actually buy a sound card in order to avoid this delay.

Maybe I should ask for more money.