Anyway, this is not one of those “Seen” posts where I share a video I like. Instead, I believe Wyclef’s latest video, “Fast Car,” may in fact be a bona fide New Low in product placement, and thus worth sharing at this particular post-millennial corporate synergasm in time. And while I didn’t expect it to be the greatest music video ever made (after all, the video wasn’t directed by “the best who ever did it“), I at least expected to understand what the hell was going on during the next four minutes. Instead, the corporate agenda on display obliterates all pretense of a sensical narrative, and after watching it a few times I still can’t figure out if anyone had the balls to actually put forth a treatment, or if they just strung together a bunch of shots and called it a day.

Why is “nonsensical” a word, but not “sensical?”

Anyway, Wyclef is on Sony BMG. Paul Simon, featured on the song, is also on Sony. Burnout Paradise, the videogame featured throughout the music video, is currently available on the Sony Playstation 3. At the start of the video, Wyclef’s previous single, the catchy “Sweetest Girl“–which features singing by Niia, another Sony artist–is playing on a Sony TV. A kid walks past a Sony-format tape deck (HDCAM?), with a Sony MP3 player around his neck and a Sony bluetooth headest in his ear, picks up his Sony Playstation controller (note the Playstation itself on the desk), and then e-mails Wyclef on his Sony Playstation Portable (the PSP can e-mail! take note!). Wyclef opens his trunk to grab a Sony controller from in front of another Sony flastcreen. Once inside the Burnout Paradise virtual world (which makes sense, because the song is titled “Fast Car,” and the game has… cars), the white guy stand-in for Paul Simon checks his Sony PSP (while driving at top speed), and to conclude the video, the kid takes a picture of himself on a Sony webcam.

Here is a partial list of companies that did not pay for the video’s production:

Microsoft
Nintendo
Cabot Cheese

But Cavemen further relates to this web site soapbox of mine because, as I said a while back, “the best satire is able to parody something BEFORE it actually happens out in the real world.” Behold:

“Hollywood has already turned to every other existing property for ideas, including its most recent gold mine (if you can call it that–“lead mine” would be more appropriate): the video game (Wing Commander, Tomb Raider, Resident Evil, Final Fantasy, Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, Super Mario Bros.). Walt Disney reversed the usual order and based 2003’s Pirates of the Caribbean on its 1967 theme park ride. 2001 saw the release of the movie Me and Mrs. Jones, which was inspired by the 70s infidelity anthem of the same name. In the same soul-sucking (hah, hah) vein, Martin Lawrence’s 1996 film A Thin Line Between Love and Hate stole its title from The Persuaders’ 1971 chart-topper–and the group H-town (of esteemed “Knockin’ Da Boots” fame) re-recorded it, quite sacrilegiously, for the soundtrack. So after you’ve based feature films on 4-minute songs, what’s next? Movies based on 30-second ad spots? How about Got Milk?, in which aliens invade earth (again), except this time for our dairy supply? Gatorade’s Is it in you, the movie?”

Or… GEICO’s Cavemen, the TV show. (I wrote the above two years ago).

Not that predicting a dechievement in advance is particularly prescient, because by their very nature, New Lows are essentially inevitable. But still.

Also, the above quoted entry, which was only my third post to this site, serves as solid evidence that my writing has in fact gotten worser over the past two years.

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I would just end the post there, but this being the internet, someone would comment on my intentional grammatical error as if it was unintentional, and then I’d have to reply with “I know worser isn’t a word, that’s the point” and, in some small way, their comment would cause me to lose faith in humanity’s future.