What was the point of that?

"Out of the Closet" has been up for three weeks now. So far I've failed in my ultimate ambition of getting sued by R. Kelly, but I have succeeded in getting 35,000 visitors to come to my nascent web site. Which is wonderful, although it's kind of sad to think that the one thing I've done in life so far that's been seen by the most people... involves riding R. Kelly's coattails.

Whatever. Onward and upward. Thanks to everyone that listened; I hope it was good for a laugh.

Because websites are sophisticated beasts, I was actually able to see where many of the visitors were coming from. So I went to some forums to see what people were saying. Here are some quotes I found:

1) WTF this shit is crazy!!! The Part 2 is very..............wow... Hopefully he doesn't release a video for this...

2) This is some of the funniest shit I've heard in a while. I like the effort he made to dramatize it this extreme. And the climax with the UUUUUuuuuuu OOOoooOo variations,,.... GENIOUS!

3) Hahahahahah that's so fucking hilarious. My brother, his 2 friends and I were all laughing so hard. I was in tears. It's so badly put together at some parts but it still hilarious.

4) Whoever edited that is crazy.

5) the song is too damn predictable

6) probably some fat, unpopular kid with no girlfriend and obviously no left hand (you know what i mean) put this together...

I love it. Since it's my site, I get to respond:

1) A video would have been difficult, although someone made a Sims version of the original (which even made MTV, briefly), and they could probably have some fun making a Sims video of this version.

2) Do I have to say it? There is something funny about misspelling "genius."

3) "So badly put together." Well, see, when you're working with the vocal and backing all on one track, you don't really have the luxury of... nevermind. I'm glad you found it funny.

4) Apparently I am not only "crazy," but also simultaneously...

5) "Too predictable." Wait--the song is called "Out of the Closet"--what did you think was going to happen? A sartorial exorcism?

6) This last comment was priceless. Except I can't actually figure out what he meant by "no left hand (you know what i mean)." Presumably he was making some sort of masturbation joke, but really, how does only having one hand motivate me to remix an R. Kelly song?

In addition to masturbatory accusations, there were also a lot of "this guy has too much time on his hands" comments. Which I expected. But in general, I don't understand people who say that. Is it more admirable to be giving most of your waking hours to a corporation in exchange for an ephemeral amount of money, as most of our population does, instead of doing whatever it is that warrants said pseudo-criticism? This type of comment is especially vexing when it is made by someone who has 19,476 posts on a Magic: The Gathering message board.

It's been fun. No "special lowbrow edition" banner anymore. We now return you to your regularly-scheduled programming. Which is not at all regularly-scheduled.

Oh, and if you see Mr. Kelly, send him this way.

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