October 10, 2005

Current Actual Movies

If you are unfamiliar with this new and ridiculous ratings system, please refer to the Actual Movies, Explained page.

Actual Movies

Pseudo-Actual Movies

Not Actual Movies

1 Yes, yes, yesssssss! See this film at all costs, even if your only option is to see it with someone who is an ex-spouse, or criminal (or both).

2 No, no, no. This is terrible. Your two hours would be better spent at a WNBA game.

3 This disclaimer is devoted to the film that I saw against my will, either by being dragged to the theater or by just happening to be in a room where it was on the Pacifying Device. Verdicts on this film are generally obvious and expected (in fact, many times this movie would have been tagged with a 4 (see below)), but it was included on this list just so I could feel like I got something out of watching it.

4 Either I did not see this film, or it is not even out yet, yet I still passed judgment on it. Not having been born yesterday, I managed to save between $5 and $12 by avoiding this film. If a 4 is later removed, it means I was unsuccessful at avoiding it.

5 When a film is split up into multiple categories, it means that the film cleanly divides into different ratings--by half, by act, by location, etc. If the first half of a film was great and the second half was terrible, then the text of the title is divided in a similar manner--the portion of a film’s running time that falls under the particular rating is written out under that heading, and the rest of it is written out as _____. If a film bounces back and forth frequently during its running time, it generally just falls into the “Pseudo” category; the split rating is reserved for situations where there were distinct, palatable changes in quality.

6 Bumped up a category due to Jamie Foxx’s performance.

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