October 31, 2016 at 12:51PM, Edited October 31, 12:53PM

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I produced and directed my first short film "Violence & Violins " - I'd like to have your feedback

Hi , my name is Racen Dhaouadi from Tunisia , a country in north Africa , and i produced/directed/edited my first short film called Violence & Violins , it's a neo-noir short film . the production cost me around 400$. i will be thankful to have your reviews fellow filmmakers .

Here's the vimeo link : https://vimeo.com/182390545

7 Comments

Not bad. I was interested the whole time, but I feel there's something missing from the script. I don't really feel the main character's drive. He shows himself to be a calculated professional and seems to have only casual interest in the violin as well as the girl, so why the hesitation? Why is she a problem for his employers? I'm thinking perhaps the movie could be expanded a little to allow some more character development.
From a production standpoint, I wish greater care had been taken in lighting. There's a lot of video noise and an obvious reliance on cranking up the camera gain to get the images. Also, I really hate when people fake playing instruments on-cam. Still for your first attempt at it, I'd say you did a good job. The sound was largely natural and the photography (minus lighting issues) was good. You set a well-defined mood and kept my attention. That's the hardest thing to do IMO.

November 1, 2016 at 2:39PM

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Hi , thank you for you review , yes looking back now from a distance to the short , i noticed the points you mentioned . for the image issue we initially shot with a canon 5d mkII then it broke so we had to continue shooting with a 650D and we were already missing lighting equipment (they were mostly DIY lights). I agree with character drive matters , it lacks development , as for the fake playing , i totally agree but i had to make do , i couldn't cast a real violin player and the score was made later . again thank you for your review.

November 6, 2016 at 7:17AM

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Racen Dhaouadi
Filmmaker
95

Firstly I would like to concur with Stephen. There were a lot of dark scenes outside that would have benefitted a lot from a cheap $40 led light for a backlight combined with a tighter shot. The second kill seemed useless story-wise and could have been edited out, maybe to make some room to show the inner workings of our hitman.

The match-cut between Hitman #2 lighting his cigarette and Hitman #1 smoking one in his room seemed unessecary, but looking back, it did give me a feeling of isolation. Almost like a dream the film jumped back into his appartement, like the job never happened.

I loved the chemistry between the two hitmen. They really seemed to know each other. As per the relation between the violin girl and the hitman, I did get the idea that he was more interested in her than the violin. Something in the way he looked at her on his screen.

It could of course use a lot of work, mostly in the cinematography and screenwriting, but you do have a knack for directing actors. They seemed natural and believable. They were intriguing to look at. Though I guess that is best decided by a native speaker. For a debut, this is really good. I sure as hell haven't made anything this good.

November 3, 2016 at 5:08AM

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Auke-Jan Weening
Dissapointment
427

Hi , thank you for your feedback , I agree with you on the dark scene issue , it was shot with a canon 650 using a kit lens , so i had a lot of grain to deal with thus i had to darken it to help denoising . Cinematography and Screenwriting needed more work too . thanks for your review mate , i will be happy to watch your work .

November 6, 2016 at 7:27AM, Edited November 6, 7:27AM

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Racen Dhaouadi
Filmmaker
95

It's always a joy to find some Noir-type movies especially made by the indie community,
I have already watched this little gem four times to decipher more and more of the atmosphere, of course there are some small gaps, but it is fully understandable as it is your first short movie, I'm really looking to see more of your work posted here.

November 6, 2016 at 7:44AM

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Johann wolfenhest
Photography Director
81

التصوير لطيف - المونتاج ايقاعه بطئ شوية - معجبنيش التمثيل ولا الcolor grade

November 7, 2016 at 2:44AM

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Nice work.

The few critiques Id have is the beginning with the handoff, that characters should wear something that separates them from the background. I didnt really see someone standing there til the handoff happened.
Other than that the next style piece you do like this work alittle more with flagging off your lights to get harder shadows. Get more noir type feeling.

November 7, 2016 at 8:26AM

5
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Chris Hackett
Director, Director of Photography, Writer
1035

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