July 6, 2015 at 8:08AM

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Please destroy this film

Please ignore the title
I just finished a short project for my MSc project and would like to get some comments and constructive criticism
I'm really working to be the best I can be at storytelling so please leave no thoughts unsaid

Thank you in advance for taking the time to view and comment

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21MIyjTQF28

4 Comments

I thought it seemed pretty neat. What could improve was the sound design (the background score was hardly audible for most of the film amd also the music wasn't helping the plot too much), some more shots establishing the plot and building the suspense, and, the intercutting of shots could have been done more interestingly to establish the psycho thriller plot. Maybe the film could be cut in the second half again, where the camera cuts quicker between the neighbour and the psycho, a few times, over and over again.
Overall pretty good effort.

July 6, 2015 at 12:38PM, Edited July 6, 12:40PM

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sanveer mehlwal
Filmmaker
236

Thanks Sanveer
Yes at some point I did feel I may have reduced the score too much
Good points raised about some of the repetition and establishment shots
Some of them were experimental lool
Thanks a lot Sanveer
Really appreciate this

July 7, 2015 at 9:09AM

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Luke Oyovbaire
Filmmaker
27

On the whole, I thought this was fantastic. The cinematography was beautiful. The soft lighting, camera movements etc. were great. Did you shoot this on the BMPCC?

A few points that may be of some use:

- I felt that there was a lot of empty space between the characters; they both seemed too awkward. But then again, this could have been the intention, and it would probably suit both characters. I think if the music was utilised more, this would have helped.

- The knife situation. I felt it was slightly cliche, and that it didn't really seem to go anywhere. I mean, he never really used the knife, even though we see that it disappeared from the knife rack.

- The overall pacing seemed just a tad slow and I think you could shift the emotion a bit more. I felt in slight suspense the whole time and didn't ever feel totally shocked. I think that if the interaction between the characters was a bit lighter and his initial shock at seeing the girl fall out of the wardrobe at the start was more intense, then the ending would have more of an impact. Do you get what I mean? Take us on a bit more of a roller-coaster!

To be honest, I'm picking apart what is a very good short film. I'd be chuffed if I made anything half as good! If I didn't make any of that clear, please say so! :)

July 7, 2015 at 6:51AM

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Thanks Paul
Was shot on a Canon C300

Yes. The empty awkward silence was intentional. The first cut was actually way more awkward lol
Yes - I'm looking into reviewing the sound design
Yeah I didn't intend for him to use the knife - just wanted an element in the scene to sustain the tension - I"ll let him use it next time lol

Hehe noted! I"ll ponder on your last notes
No they were very clear thank you

Thanks again Paul
For your time and notes
Cheers

July 7, 2015 at 9:21AM

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Luke Oyovbaire
Filmmaker
27

I have some constructive criticism. First of all, I thought the general idea of the story was good but I don't really see the underlying premise or point of the story. It just seems like you wrote it just for the sake of writing a psycho thriller short. I just don't see the merit. Also I didn't think was complete at all. Their really isn't much of a climax or a real conclusion. So this guy supposedly killed his neighbor but doesn't remember, he calls the police at 2:30am and they don't show up until morning, or rather they send a detective, then she asks him some questions and leaves and that's it? Also, I don't really see why I should care about any of the characters. The only background info you give us is that this guy supposedly killed his neighbor. I had some criticism about the male casting choice but I don't see the point in giving it because even if you had been able to cast a more believable suspect it still wouldn't make the story any better. Your production value in terms of cinematography and maybe the score are pretty good. The overall "boarding of the story" I felt was pretty decent along with the editing. I can't say much about sound design and sound editing though. It wasn't really all that impressive sound wise. Also, I think the main problem with the story was just the genre you chose. I don't really think anybody could make a good psycho thriller short film. There's way too much detail and plot material that these stories contain to be able to tell a story like this in just a few minutes. May e you should think about attempting to make a feature film if you wanna make films like these. Definitely prepare and develop your screenplay thoroughly before even thinking about filming. When you get to the filming stage you could take a few weeks to film, maybe 2 or 3 or whatever, and then do all your post-production. I know its not easy to do features but its just something to think about if you feel like you can't come up with any good short film ideas. Anyway, there's my two cents.

Also I would suggest purchasing "2016 Oscar Nominated Short Films" on either Amazon movies or whatever its called (I'm not sure if its on there or not) or Google Play. I bought it on Google play for like maybe $15.00 I think. You could definitely learn a lot about short-filmmaking from those.

December 14, 2016 at 11:31PM

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Brennen Johnson
Filmmaker
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