January 31, 2015 at 9:31PM

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Short film feedback request: The Package

Two weeks ago my friends and I shot a seven-minute long short. Would you guys have a minute to comment on the good / the bad?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdZBM-5aBcw

Thanks in advance!

7 Comments

Thanks for sharing. Have a great quality. May be is missing some type of actions to mix with the conversation.

Keep going. Good Job :D

February 2, 2015 at 2:18AM

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Rag├╝el Cremades
Film producer and director
8106

Thanks for the feedback, on my discussion about No/Lo budgets.
I had watched this twice yesterday. It's wonderful! Keep shooting, keep editing. Thanks for the inspiration.

February 3, 2015 at 9:39AM

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Gary Ewing
Short Film Screenwriter, Photographer, Director.
217

Good on you for putting something together. That's probably the biggest challenge when it comes to filmmaking (at least for me...)

In all honesty, I didn't watch the whole video. The shots looked pretty good from what I watched, but it took too long (around 48 seconds) to get into the dialogue/action. As an outsider, I don't know anything about your short and that's a long time to hold my interest without having anything happen. One thing I've learned from making short films for a few years now is that you need something to grab the audience's attention right away.

One way you could do that, is to start the dialogue earlier. Cut that tilt shot and have your opening shot start on the guy outside. Do an L cut of him saying it's cold outside and then cut into the car shot that reveals the gun. I think something like that would pull in the audience a little bit better.

Other than that, I think if you speed up the pacing a bit more you'd be in a pretty good situation.

February 3, 2015 at 12:24PM, Edited February 3, 12:24PM

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Brad Tennant
Director / Cinematographer
543

Gary, Brad, thank you very much guys for the feedback!

February 3, 2015 at 2:52PM

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Alex Zakrividoroga
Director
3893

Better way for raising your personal progress is always keep your skills in excited state. It's good when you take a camera and start shot something. But in this movie color correction is really poor. Try to make you picture more contrast and add some easy lut if you haven't good post production guy.

February 4, 2015 at 4:21PM, Edited February 4, 4:21PM

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Dmitriy Vishnyak
Camera Assistant/Operator
81

Very good! I think it could have used some quicker editing to keep it more engaging. Like the cuts from them talking in the car to him carrying out the initiation were kind of jarring. And an overlying soundtrack over the whole film would have made it blend, at least for me.

And as Dmitriy mentioned, a color grade definitely would have added a lot.

February 4, 2015 at 6:48PM

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Torsten Pearson
Writer-Director-Editor
311

Dmitriy, Torsten, thank you for the feedback and the time you took to look at the short! I'll use the feedback in the next production!!!

February 5, 2015 at 8:59PM, Edited February 5, 8:59PM

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Alex Zakrividoroga
Director
3893

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