September 24, 2014 at 4:07PM

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I need some feedback on my clips...

Can anyone critque my projects. I need some honest opinion. everyone I know said its good but they're my friends and family.
I'm not trying to get hits just an honest opinion. Thanks!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75rVvEJ8sQE&list=UUUq6mXdbWX0gxuheXu16nsg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PzdzCvO73bw&index=4&list=UUUq6mXdbWX0gxu...

1 Comment

Nice work. I like the writing best of all. The only thing that definitely needs work is your camera focus, as you have several shots where the focus is either behind or in front of your actors.

There are also a few deep focus shots that could have benefited by adding an ND 8 or ND 16 filter and opening up your aperture to put the focus back on your characters in the foreground. Having everything in focus is distracting and it doesn't match with your other shots.

September 30, 2014 at 11:19AM

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Reply
Guy McLoughlin
Video Producer
30569

First of all, congrats for the effort. You've put some work into those two episodes and fortunately for you it seems that you have the passion required to take it to the next level. Now, what do you do? Tonnes more work. How long did you spend writing each script? A few days? A week? Double it, then triple it. Try out reading the script with a group of your friends before shooting, hear the dialogue as it's read and make the necessary adjustments to it before you touch a camera. Your style is incredibly dialogue heavy- you need to hammer out that dialogue before getting in front of the camera. Get it perfect, make it natural. Many lines come off forced, unnatural...and I gotta tell you, you are already making it very difficult for yourself by choosing such an unnatural premise.

Dose of reality: Two recent college grads from middle America running around suburbia pretending to be hired guns is not a natural thing, and by pretending that it is natural you are unnecessarily removing half of the joke. A word of advice on the scripting? Make your characters a little more self-aware and a little less confident. They clearly aren't trained hitmen so why are they acting like they are? Your script is at its best when you draw back the curtain and let us in to their reality: they are two goons with guns that may or may not be loaded (let alone real) taking orders from someone who shares a nickname with Bruce Springsteen.

Once you've hammered the script out, and you are sure about every little detail that it contains, then you can start considering how to improve technically. Don't think that adjusting your ND filters is going to help your career as filmmakers, it's great advice if you are trying to sell your stuff to boring robot cinamatographers but that technical stuff will come as you get more experience.

In the meanwhile do yourselves a massive favor and invest your passion wisely.

October 16, 2014 at 9:55AM

5
Reply
matthew david wilder
Director/Cameraman/Editor/Colorist
268

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