May 24, 2016 at 1:03AM


Seeking critique on first narrative short film

Interested in feedback on my first narrative short film. Wrote and directed it in an Intro to Vid class at my school this past semester. I'm 19 and fell in love in with the process of filmmaking during this and I'm considering a career path change as I am currently a struggling pre-med/pre-dent bio major but I'm also not to kind to the idea of going to film school so career advice would be nice too. Thanks! Here's the link:

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Before we begin I'll like to say for your first short it is pretty good and shows a lot of potential, however their a number of things that stops it from being more than just an amateur film.

The first thing is the dialogue. Now don't worry, dialogue is one of the hardest things to get right and when watching the film I noticed that most of the dialogue was good however there are some moments where dialogue needs to be improved or removed. For example, when the waitress walks up to the table it would of been better if she didn't speak and the assassin gives her order and the mans order before she could mutter anything. This would instantly show who has the most authority in the room and I would go well with her dominant attitude. Try writing a short script with no dialogue, since this will allow you to gain a better understanding for when you need to use dialogue.

Secondly the sound, in my opinion sound is one of the most important aspect of a film, especially for indie films since it's usually a dead give away for an amateur film. There are moments in the film where you know you've used foliage. In addition there are moments where the sound doesn't seem fluid but rather it seems jumpy especially in the dialogue. Another problem is the echo. Now I know when it comes to locations you can't pick and choose at this level, however you should test the sound quality before you shoot, therefore you can adjust and see which other methods of recording can be better in this location.

Finally you need to add more light into the scene especially for black and white films. Now there were some points in the film where the noise seemed aesthetically pleasing and there were other points where it was just to noisy.

Now there are certain things you did well, for example you kept the story simple, had a small cast and also used a small number of locations which is great for short films. In addition the story was engaging and I generally did not expect the twist at the end. Another point I should bring up, is showing less might of worked better in the death scene, especially with amateur actors.

July 2, 2016 at 5:11PM

Toby Garside
Writer, Director, Director of Photography, Indie Filmmaker

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