You don't "need" all the items you've listed "before you even roll a minute of video". The entire last paragraph made me roll my eyes so hard, I saw my brain.
Camera, lens, sd card and battery is the bare minimum. You could spend twice as much for a DSLR, and still need a lens, battery, external monitor and still not get the same cinematic picture style.
How about, what's the real cost of a RED?
I'd be more inclined to believe the Jack-O-Lantern was a reference to Pumpkinhead.