Biggest gripe for me here is almost zero b-roll footage.
This is all to personal taste but for me I prefer a 60/40 Rap performance to B-roll (cut away)
Especially cos its a very in your face artist, show some close ups of the crew, a dog on a leash etc... all cliche but those are just examples.
Having b-roll footage easily makes the viewer not lose interest.
I like to study rap videos to see what really makes them tick.
Try that too.
All in all, if that really is your first music video, you did superb.