Thank you Cary, for your time and your feedback!
Hey Luc, first of all great piece!
Some minor things could be improved in my opinion.
First of all i am with Sawyer concerning the storyline, I understand the argument that her hairloss didn´t shape her as a designer, and it´s a good thing to respect that.
On the other hand, having watched the film i think, that her personal connection to that topics makes her stand out, and thats a really good way to catch the viewer attention. When I watch such a short narrative piece I always ask myself why is this person interesting, why is she/he worth portraying? To be honest the first minutes i thought "oh another fashion designer portrait" (I hope this does´t sound too condecending!), but when the hairloss part came up I was engaged and understood why this person is so interesting! What I learned from doing those kind of films, is that you have to bring that content across as fast as possible to keep the viewer watching, because there is so much other distraction on the Internet...
On the technical side:
Yes the walking sequence is very long and you don't really vary in the shot size. Its longshot, medium longshot, longshot ... and i think that makes it feel so long, so maybe pop some closer shots in to make it visually more interesting.
Also the direction of movement isn't constant. In one shot she walks from right to left, in the other one from left to right, if that was intentional, okay, but if not, thats sth. to consider next time.
In some shots you repull focus during the shot, i don't know if that´s an artistic choice. If so I would make it more obvious, to me it looked unintentional at times ( i don't know how much control you had over those shots to redo them, if it was run and gun great job, if you could do multiple takes, take the time)
And another technical thing, I always forget to do that as well, be meticulous, leveling your tripod, in some pans the horizon isn't correct (for example 2.07)
But again those are little things, maybe they give you some ideas for the next project.
Great work and i really enjoyed watching it!
How the Camera displays color in relation to Kelvin differs. So even you if you put the same number in by hand, the color can be different. In ENG-work, to match the white balance of two cameras, we just hold the gray-card( dont know if its the right name in english) into the light we want to balance it with and make a manual whitebalance (Sony PMW 500 or IMX). Even though we match it on same lightingsituation the difference can be in 100-200 Kelvin sometimes even more. So maybe try that:)
Another Problem i See is the Lack of an experienced Team, just regarding the Sound and Camera operating sector(if you have that Then nevermind).
Getting good sound needs Experience and technical knowledge, if Not just a free Hand to adjust and control audiolevels, and hold the boom (if you go into Auto Mode You have no Control what the internal limiter might do to your recorded audio.)
Same thing with the Camera operating...
Of course its possible to One man it, but your Production will Suffer from that!
I Would Join in with the others: get to Know the Equipment step by step, or find People that can help you.
I dont want to Sound too negativ, but it might get a frustrating if the outcome isnt satisfying and you invested the money.
One More Thinge: you Really want to add an ND Filter. If you want to Shot in Broad sunlight with an open Iris.
Sth. Around 6-8 Stops depending On Your Glass... Or a variable ND!
All the best!