How To Combat Bitterness About Your Career in Hollywood

You've been there. I've been there. That project we chased, the one we did on spec, our passion assignment, falls apart. Or the pitch we prepared for goes south.

The agent who wrote you the passionate letter about why they wanted to represent you stops calling. The latest draft of your screenplay gets passed on by everyone.

Maybe you have a project, and people won't even read it, or they send you back AI notes that send chills down your spine.

And then, when you're at the lowest of lows, that person you can't stand. That writer or director with no talent who gets paid too much books something. It's in the news. It's on your social feed. Your Mom sends it to you and asks why you didn't try to get that job.

Failure is at the heart of the culture of being a Hollywood creative. You're going to hear the words "No, not for us," more than you're going to hear "You're hired." And that will ultimately weigh on you.

Those feelings will turn your stomach, piss you off, and frustrate the hell out of you.

You will get bitter.

But you don't have to stay that way. Remember, I'm the guy with the happiness post. I love sappy movies and stories.

So today, we're going to go on an emotional journey together to talk about how you can keep from being bitter about your career.

Let's dive in.

When Life Gives You Lemons...

I have this great writers' group where we talk about all things Hollywood. And lately, a few of us have been dealing with that sense of rejection or futility when those pieces go out.

We see people in other industries making money and having an easier time providing, and we look at them in envy.

You hear from the old guard in Hollywood who came up during a more fruitful time or spec boom and wonder if you'll ever taste the success or consistent healthcare that they enjoyed.

So, how are you supposed to start a new spec script with all that stuff hanging over your head?

How are you supposed to not feel bitter?

Hollywood is a hard place where you often need to assess what matters in your life and take stock of coping mechanisms when things don't go your way.

Getting bitter is easy.

We see it all the time now. From The Odyssey so woke backlash all the way back to Last Jedi, hate and anger is all around us.

And bitterness is where it starts.

Sure, sometimes it's warranted. But if you let your bitterness grow, you might find yourself alone. And even schadenfreude can't keep you warm at night.

So what's the main way I've found to battle bitterness?

Friends!

I'm not talking about the TV show, though if that works for you, nice. One of the most popular responses to my tweet was how important friendships are to creative people.

Like I said at the top, having a writer's group has helped me immensely. You have people to vent to and with, and who understand your situation inherently.

Investing in your friends and their successes can make you feel more fulfilled. As your network succeeds, it can also lead to more opportunities down the road. My last three paying gigs all came from friends who got promoted and knew they could depend on me and my writing to make them look good.

They're also the people who buy me pizza or donuts and tell me the sky isn't falling when things get tough. By building a network, you can also revel in the glow when you see your friends' projects make it to the big screen. There's nothing like being in the theater and WHOOPING as loud as you can when their name flashes.

Go hard for other people, and they'll go hard for you.

Drinking!

Yeah, this is not the best way to handle bitterness. But a cold beer helps once in a while. And hell, I've been known to chase a single malt now and then. I once had a million-dollar deal fall apart. There's not enough Jameson in Ireland to fix that. But a small glass can help. Especially if you talk about it with the friends mentioned above.

While I can't advocate the drinking in Leaving Las Vegas or The Borstal Boy, I can tell you that in the right environment, sometimes you need a drink. Sometimes that lubricant is all you need to find your smile again and to push forward on what's coming next.

It's good to go out and have a few beers and blow off steam… preferably with friends.

Meditation!

I'm not a hippie, but I started meditating a few years ago, and it changed my life. I'm a big fan of Thich Nhat Hanh and his guided meditations. Mostly because I have never been great at clearing my mind, but when I am feeling the insane burden of stress and anger, it's easy to listen to someone take me on a more peaceful journey.

Bitterness is just anger at yourself directed toward the world. Yeah, TRUTH BOMB.

So when I feel like life wound up and kicked me in the nuts, I put on the Zen music and take a seat. In fifteen minutes, I can usually turn around the way I feel. Or at least try to get back on track.

Therapy!

I love the Scriptnotes podcast because they always give practical advice. And while most of the stuff I have talked about here is ethereal, you can go to therapy and release this stuff.

A licensed therapist will give you way better advice than this blog post.

John August and Craig Mazin talked about therapy in Scriptnotes #99, and I found it incredibly useful.

In a post-Sopranos world, therapy sort of has a weird knock. But mental health is as important as physical health. There are lots of affordable options for those seeking therapy.

Check them out!

Get A Dog!

I'm here to tell you the best thing I ever did when I was sad was get a dog. RIP Roosevelt.

Even though he was way more expensive than I anticipated, he's always there to listen, to take on long walks, to lick my face, and drain my bank account.

I love him more than I anticipated, and he's easily the most empathetic creature on the planet. Dogs don't ask for anything but walks and love.

Most people can handle that.

Sometimes it's nice just to have something that only wants your affection and won't ask about why your movie didn't pan out, why that actor has taken 11 months to read your screenplay, and why your archnemesis just got a Netflix series.

Whatever the case, dogs are there for you. Cats probably are too, but I'm a dog guy.

Pray and be Spiritual!

Take Some Responsibility!

Here's the truth: you can find ways to be calm and to avoid the feeling, but at some point, you need to look bitterness in the face and acknowledge it.

Things go sideways here. They have a habit of not working out.

But at the end of the day, when you get a pass, or someone else gets a project, ask yourself what you could have done better.

Did you go to the right producer?

Was the script done carefully and emotionally?

Was it your best work?

Also, buckle down and work on something else. This business is mostly luck, and talent arrives a lot farther down the list. You have to be willing to deal with the ups and the downs. Hollywood shouldn't be the thing that defines you or your whole life.

Those headings above? They reflect building out your world. The bigger your world, the harder it will be to knock you down. It's all about balance.

Give Yourself 24 Hours to Grieve

Part of taking responsibility is also letting yourself feel the hit. When a pass comes in or a deal collapses, give yourself a strict 24-hour window to wallow. Eat the ice cream, scream into a pillow, or complain to your spouse. But set a timer.

I like to have a cigar outside and wallow in its entirety… then… it's time to start again.

Just like you reward yourself, you also need time to mourn.

Bitterness sneaks in when temporary grief turns into a permanent state of mind. Once those 24 hours are up, dust yourself off and start page one of the next script.

The fastest cure for heartbreak over your last project is getting obsessed with your next one.

Reframe Success Around You!

When you read Deadline and see someone you can't stand selling a spec or booking a gig, try to flip the mental switch: that means the town is spending money today.

This isn't a you-or-them situation; it's good to see people succeed because it shows that success is possible.

It means producers are still taking meetings, and execs are still buying.

If the market is alive for them, it can be alive for you. Treat someone else's green light not as a personal insult, but as proof that the door is open.

Summing It All Up

Find a good music playlist. Find a good book. Find surfing, Jesus, or Jesus surfing. Therapy is incredible for some people. Do anything you can to throw out the positive vibes. And when it gets really bad, have a drink?

But only if it's healthy drinking. Don't drive either. Just like maybe a wine or beer to relax? Look, nothing above here is going to work for everyone. There's a reason the alcoholic writer is a stereotype.

Bitterness is the expression of an unhealthy relationship with the work and the city. Find a healthy way to cope, and come back hard with the next thing.

Hollywood doesn't owe anyone work, but it makes it harder to get a job in this town if you exude negative vibes.

So get out there and get creating.

Or pet your dog.

Got a way to cope? Put it in the comments.

I want the No Film School community to thrive!