Don't just watch 'em, rank 'em!
San Diego's latest edition of Comic-Con has wrapped up and we were treated to sneak peeks of some of 2017's biggest prospective blockbusters. The convention is valuable because we, as audience members, finally get a chance to see if all the hype surrounding any of these behemoth titles might actually have a chance of panning out into something great. How, you may ask? Trailers.
Take last year's first look at Batman Vs. Superman for example: four-and-a-half minutes long, overstuffed with sequences from just about every action scene in the movie, loud, and well, obvious (we all pretty much understood, even at this early stage, that Batman would probably end up fighting Superman.) It's a worrying sign when blockbuster trailers favor a myriad of action sequences over rousing plot points, interesting characters or strong dialogue. And in this case, the trailer turned out to accurately foreshadow DC's release woes to come.
A little further into the convention, however, they gave us the first trailer for Suicide Squad, and it pretty much did everything right that BVS got so, so wrong. We'll see in a couple weeks, however, whether or not that actually turns out to be the case. So, this year, what looks like it could be a BVS turkey and what has ascended into the rare air of Suicide Squad? Here's a totally subjective ranking of every movie trailer based on the opinions of one nerd who has watched a lot of trailers.
9. Blair Witch
The Blair Witch Project is one of the top five highest grossing independent features of all time. The tiny film, which was made for $60,000, ended up with returns close to $250,000,000. More importantly, it was a terrifying, one-of-a kind film. That is, until one year later, when it was decided a sequel should be released. Thus we were given Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2, a film which cost $15,000,000 to shoot and only made $26,000,000 at the box office. 16 years after that, we have this: a trailer for a generic, trope filled, re-hash which, in it's chilling final seconds, features a line from a Sting ballad. Why?
Video is no longer available: www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=141&v=HSzx-zryEgM
This is Inception, right? Not that it looks terrible or anything, it's just. Is this Inception?
It's been a long year, full of anticipation for DC's apparent savior. It's almost impossible not to have noticed that the amount of promotion for the film in the past couple months has really been jacked up. This isn't really surprising, but it is still somewhat worrying, as we've seen similar patterns emerge from previous DC blockbusters. There's nothing new here for us really, but the footage that grabbed us last year remains worthy of our attention. What once seemed so fresh, however, is dangerously close to growing stale.
We're going to lump most of DC's footage into the middle of the pack here. Zack Snyder made it painfully obvious in Batman Vs. Superman that there is a Justice League movie coming, so it's nice to see the ball is moving and there's a light at the end of DC's origin movie tunnel. Indie stalwart Ezra Miller looks like he could actually end up saving this one as The Flash. Here's a tip for all you DIY-er's out there, a White Stripes score can make anything look good.
Not a superhero movie! Guy Ritchie's made some great films and some turkeys. The Man From U.N.C.L.E. was one of the smarter, more enjoyable action flicks to have come out in recent memory, so it seems safe to have high hopes about this one too.
4. Wonder Woman
Unanimously heralded as the best part about Batman Vs. Superman, we finally get a look at the stand alone Wonder Woman. It's hard to tell exactly what's going on here plot-wise, but we like that they're going in the vein of Captain America with a sort of period piece. A horde of Amazonian woman storming beaches evokes memories of Snyder's early days with 300. The visually-oriented director actually won't be directing this one, stepping aside for female (!) writer/director Patty Jenkins. That ups the film's credibility in our book.
Plain and simple, this is a dream come true for every Arrested Development fan that wanted to see Michael Cera play Robin to Will Arnett's Batman. Yes it's for kids, and no it's not being helmed by Phil Lord and Chris Miller, but there's a strong chance you'll end up enjoying this animated version more than any of DC's other options next year. Clearly, they have given us a lot to choose from.
Remember at the beginning when we stated that this was would be a totally biased ranking based on very little factual information? Let's just say that Harry Potter's world returning to the big screen gets us more excited than any run of the mill super hero movie by a wide, wide margin. J.K. Rowling's first venture into screenwriting is both new and exciting.
Surprised? We were too. The first real footage from this non-Peter Jackson update looks absolutely stunning. Does anyone else get the feeling they're watching a sequel to Apocalypse Now? We have yet to catch a full glimpse at the titular monster, but a giant bloody handprint smack dab in the middle of a cliff does more than make up for it. It leaves us gasping for more. And that, friends, is what makes an effective teaser.
What are you most excited for? Do you agree with our picks?