Everyone in Hollywood Claims to Have a Gun, but Very Few Brought Enough Bullets

Last night, I was sitting across from a kid at a coffee shop in Los Angeles who asked me how to break into Hollywood. I told him what I'd tell anyone trying to break in anywhere:

You better have a gun, and it better be loaded.

What started as a dark joke evolved into a metaphor that perfectly sums up where Hollywood is at today—and exactly how you can break into the business.

Let's dive in.

If you hate guns or these metaphors are offensive to you, you probably want to stop reading here. This is satirical.

'Boyz n the Hood (1991)' Credit: Criterion

The Dreamer's Dilemma

We should start with an admission: there’s a really good chance you're a dreamer.

Maybe you had your first taste of movies and TV as a kid, and storytelling consumed you. It became the thing you loved most in this world. You might have gone to college or done post-grad work in the fields that interested you most. That might have led you to get an MFA, to PA, or to become an assistant. But chances are, you did all that because you have been obsessing about working inside and having an impact on Hollywood your whole life.

Essentially, you want to be paid to be a storyteller and make that the grand pursuit during the limited time you have on Earth.

But to do that in Hollywood, you might feel like you're stuck on the outside of the casino. If you're lucky, maybe you're in the lobby or at the slots.

All the treasures of storytelling are deep down in the vault, and you're constantly trying to get in there to achieve your dreams.

To get there, it's not a knife fight, it's going to be a gun fight.

They call it “breaking into Hollywood” because it feels like the doors are closed, and only the clever ones are allowed inside. So you showed up with a gun to demand to be let in.

Well, so did everyone else. But who brought the bullets?

'Aliens' CREDIT: 20th Century Fox

The Gun Show

In Hollywood, the "gun" is your ambition. It's that burning, desperate need to break in, to be heard, and to be creative. You want the world to watch your ideas on the big or small screen and to feel moved.

I have news for you: everyone in town has a gun. That’s why they came here. Anyone can talk a big game or wave around their Smith & Wesson.

• Maybe they have a shotgun they got from their Dad, who’s already inside.
• Maybe they have a Henry rifle because they moved from the Midwest.
• There are a few people you're going to meet along the way who have "Replica" written on the barrel of their Desert Eagle (shoutout to Snatch fans).

The point is, everyone moves here with a dream, some more vivid than others, and some with way more connections. But bullets are actual action.

A very small number of people moved here with any bullets, and even fewer stock up on bullets while they're here. Most people just brandish their piece and hope no one challenges them to a duel—and if they do, they run away.

What Qualifies as a Bullet?

• Completed drafts of scripts: And I don’t mean one script you’ve been rewriting for seven years. I mean, five different, polished scripts sitting in your drawer.
• Short films: The ones you shot on a weekend when you actually wanted to stay in bed.
• Microbudget features: The ones you scraped together for $10,000 using your aunt’s cabin and a couple of actors who worked for pizza.
• Technical skills: The hours spent learning how to edit, color-correct, or sound-mix because you couldn't afford to hire anyone else.
• Sweat equity: The late-night networking, the coffees you buy for professionals, and the sheer effort you put into trying to break in.

What About the Pacifists?

Yeah, some people are going to go off and make movies forever somewhere else. They're going to leave Hollywood, work a different day job, and make movies on their own time. I am jealous of those people. It's not a path I think I could follow, but it is one I admire.

I moved here, I got old and stubborn, and I have had my eyes on the vault for way too long to try something else. I'm here to keep breaking in.

Most people in this industry hope to get lucky and find the keys to the vault. That happens sometimes—that’s what luck is. And that guy with the hand-me-down shotgun? He’s going to get inside a different way, too, because maybe his parents have bullets for him that you don't have access to.

But instead of worrying about how they're getting into the vault, you have to worry about yourself.

'Magnificent Seven' Credit: Mubi

How to Load the Darn Gun

If you’re going to survive this heist, you have to stop hoping people will just believe you're dangerous and actually be dangerous.

1. Stop Polishing One Bullet

If you have only written one screenplay or made one short, you don’t have a loaded weapon. You have one silver bullet, and you gotta hope you spend it on the right target. As a guy who has spent some time at the range in Burbank, I can tell you that you need to shoot multiple rounds to actually get good. Stop working on that one thing and build a portfolio of things you can show people. Diversify, put a few more rounds in the chamber, and see what you can hit.

2. Assemble Your Squad

It's time to strap up, load the ammo, and assemble a team of warriors who brought some bullets, too. You are not alone. People make breaking in feel isolating, but the best part of my Hollywood experience has been getting close with a wonderful, diverse set of friends who opened me up to opportunities, and who are rooting for me as much as I am rooting for them.

We're all headed toward the vault for an even split, and it feels much more satisfying that way. Maybe the people on your team have toy guns, or maybe they have a family heirloom bazooka. Use them. Be friends with everyone.

The more people you have on your side, the easier it will be to get the loot. Danny Ocean used 11 people to break into his casino (they needed guns to fake people out at the end); you may need 100.

Go find the other 99.

3. Practice Patience Before You Pull the Trigger

Here's the thing: those dreams that brought you here can also take you hostage. But instead of sitting in the corner of the cell, whimpering and waiting for a rescue party that isn't coming, use the time to become a better shot.

• Analyze the scripts that actually get made.
• Figure out how the system works.
• Expand your network and knowledge.
• Visit festivals and listen to industry podcasts.

Build your arsenal in the dark so that when the door cracks open even a millimeter, you're ready to blast your way through.

'Bonnie and Clyde' (1967) Credit: Warner Bros./Seven Arts

The Final Standoff

I know this was a wild mix of heists, westerns, gunplay, and hopeful wanderings, but that's sort of the way I look at Hollywood after a decade-plus of working inside it.

I've been in and out of the vault a few times, and the only lesson I've learned is that even when you think you've broken in, the real heist is finding a way to sustain your career.

You know how Danny Ocean always had to find new thieves to steal? Well, you're in the same boat, except that guy wasn't even using a gun. You're more like Bonnie and Clyde—hitting new banks and hoping that you find that one big score. The one that pays you so much that you get incoming calls for the rest of your life, getting paid ungodly sums to dream even more.

I want that for you. So load your gun, get some target practice, and go break in.