So, this past semester, I have been mentoring a film student. And she asked me the most poignant question yesterday.
"How am I going to explain all this to my parents?"
I think everyone who has ever moved to LA with a dream has been there. You're sitting across from my parents,s trying to explain your dreams, and they only have two questions: "So... when are your shows going to be on TV?" Or, my personal favorite: "How exactly are you planning to keep paying that rent?"
Explaining this business to people entirely outside of it is brutal.
To them, Hollywood is just red carpets, overnight successes, and nepotism. None of which I have found in my almost 15-year career. My parents don't see the trades, the unions, the decade-long ladders, or the endless grind of development.
So I have to explain it all to them so they understand what the heck I'm doing with my life.
And now, you'll be able to as well.
Let's dive in.
The Screenwriter (Features and TV)
Parents usually think writing a movie means typing "FADE OUT," and then mailing it off to a studio, and cashing a lottery ticket.
My mom always tells me I need to call Tom Cruise. And call an agent to tell him I have a project for Tom Cruise.
We know none of that makes sense...so how do we get that across?
Tell them you are essentially a freelance architect. You draw up the blueprints for a multi-million dollar construction project. Literally no one can build the house until your blueprint is finished and approved.
If You're in Features
Explain that it's a freelance business. You write "spec" scripts for free to prove you aren't a hack. If a manager signs you, they help you pitch to studios. Emphasize the Writers Guild of America (WGA) and how important it is to be in a union... just like Dad in the local whatever. Explain that the union ensures you get health insurance and pension contributions once you hit a certain income threshold. Trust me, parents love hearing the words "health insurance."
If You're in TV
Tell them it is a bit of a crooked corporate ladder. Or maybe the closest thing to it. You don't just "write a show." You start in the mailroom or fetching lunches as a Production Assistant. Then you get promoted to Writers' Assistant, taking notes in the room. Then, maybe if you are lucky, the Staff Writer. From there, it's a standard corporate climb: Story Editor, Co-Producer, Producer, all the way up to Showrunner, which is basically the CEO of a small company.
'30 Rock' Credit: NBC
The Director
When your folks picture a director, they see someone in a beret sitting in a canvas chair yelling through a megaphone.
It's sort of crazy how that image is so pervasive... but it is.
So I like to frame directing as Project Management. It is your job to manage a massive budget, lead a crew of over a hundred highly specialized technicians, and ensure the final product is delivered on time.
Explain that nobody hands a 20-something fifty million dollars just because they have "good taste."
You do this by directing short films or low-budget indies, taking them to industry trade shows (film festivals) to build buzz. Maybe eventually, you get hired by studios that trust you to protect their investments.
Ryan Coogler on ''Creed'' CREDIT: TIME
The Actor
This is the toughest one to explain because, to moms and dads, acting looks exactly like playing the lottery. You either get famous or you serve tables forever.
And that's sort of how it happens in Hollywood, too;
Tell them you are a professional auditioner. Your actual 9-to-5 job is preparing for, driving to, and executing job interviews. Booking a role is just a rare vacation from your actual job of auditioning.
Also, make sure they know the acting tiers.
- Background: Learning how a professional set operates.
- Co-Star: One or two lines (e.g., "Here is your coffee, detective.").
- Guest Star: You are integral to a single episode's plot.
- Recurring: You show up in multiple episodes.
- Series Regular: You're on the poster.
Remind them of SAG-AFTRA. A few commercials or minor TV roles can provide legitimate, middle-class income, health benefits, and stability. You don't have to be a household name to be a working, successful actor.
'La La Land' Credit: Sony
The Executive (Creative Exec, VP, Producer)
If you are on the business side, your parents might actually understand this best!
I try to strip away the jargon and just give it to them straight: You are a Venture Capitalist and a Talent Scout. Your entire job is to find undervalued assets (great scripts or undiscovered directors), buy them, develop them into profitable properties, and oversee their production.
That's how Hollywood finds new voices and gets ideas to the big screen.
This is the most traditional corporate path in town. You start at the very bottom, usually on a "desk" answering phones and rolling calls for an agent.
It's a grueling apprenticeship where you learn the market. From Assistant, you move to Coordinator, then Creative Executive (CE), Director of Development, and eventually VP. You read constantly, track trends, and try to find the next big hit.
One day, you might run a whole studio!
Bryan Cranston in 'The Studio' | Tim Robbins in 'The Player' Credit: Apple TV | Fine Line Features
The "Below the Line" Crew (Camera, Editorial, Art)
Again, this is going to be very hard because there's so much nuance to each section of what happens on a set.
If your goal is to be a DP or work in the art department, your parents might be entirely confused as to what you actually do all day.
Compare these roles to highly specialized, technical trades. A Cinematographer is a master electrician and optics expert. An Editor is a post-production engineer. A Production Designer is an interior decorator and structural engineer rolled into one.
Explain the apprenticeship model, which is heavily regulated by IATSE (the crew union). For the camera, you start as a PA, move to 2nd AC (managing equipment), 1st AC (pulling focus—which is pure math), Camera Operator, and finally Director of Photography. It's a structured, blue-collar ladder.
And one that can help you work on bigger and better-paying projects as you move up.
Emmanuel Lubezki on 'The Revenant' CREDIT: Kimberly French
Summing It All Up
At the end of the day, parental anxiety usually just comes from a place of love. They want you to be a doctor or a lawyer, and you became an artist. It's scary, but it's also kind of beautiful that you were raised to follow your dreams.
Remind them that the best way they can help is cash or connections. The rest is just love and support and a belief that you can make it.
Hopefully, this helps you demystify the process. You show them that you aren't just out here chasing a pipe dream; you're building a real career.
I believe in you, and I hope they do, too.
