“I’ll Have What She’s Having”: The Story Behind That Iconic Deli Scene

If you do not enjoy rom-coms, I strongly recommend that you give When Harry Met Sally... a chance. It’s not one of those where love is depicted in its most utopian version, or where two people unite against logic, compatibility, and reality. In total honesty, sometimes such depictions do take away the gravitas of the emotions, but not When Harry Met Sally….

Don’t believe me? Here’s a little taste of the madness that you can expect: the iconic deli scene.

Packed with raw humor and drenched in sarcasm and wit, the deli scene is an ingenious way of addressing taboos, such as hookup culture and female pleasure. Laid out as a bonding scene between two friends of opposite genders, the banter slowly but mindfully escalates to a conversation that's often shrugged off. As Harry and Sally quibble with each other, we are pulled into their conversation, forced to ponder our opinions on the topic of debate.

So, what makes the scene so special? In this article, let’s revisit the iconic deli scene from When Harry Met Sally… to understand what makes it such a powerful scene.

The Scene

The deli scene in When Harry Met Sally… is a moment of reconnection between Harry and Sally as friends. They have both recently embraced singlehood after painful breakups and run into each other at a bookstore, five years after their last meeting.

From the bookstore, the two go to Katz’s Deli for a quick lunch to catch up. They sit at the table and place their orders: a turkey club sandwich for Sally and a pastrami sandwich for Harry. It’s lunch hour and, naturally, the deli is bustling with people—the servers are as busy as bees.

The two are lost in conversation, as their food is served. Harry tells Sally how he’s been happy with meaningless hookups since he ended things with his cheating wife. Sally keeps asking him questions, curious how he’s okay with just meaningless sex. The conversation soon makes its way to the topic of female orgasms. Harry confidently claims that the women he hooks up with are pretty happy with their little arrangement, considering how he knows his way around the female body.

“They haven’t faked it with me,” Harry states with unshaken confidence.

“How do you know?” asks Sally.

“Because I know,” replies Harry smugly.

Sally is slightly annoyed by Harry’s inflated ego about his sexual prowess. Harry asks rhetorically, to further push his argument, “You don’t think I can tell the difference?” Sally promptly replies, “No.” Harry, still not believing her, goes to concentrate on his food now, brushing away Sally’s claim. Sally simply smiles.

Moments later, Sally is moaning: her cries growing louder and explosively funnier. She is faking an orgasm, right there, in the middle of the deli. A few seconds into her performance, the entire place goes quiet, as her loud moans echo through the room. It is as if time has come to a standstill: everybody is gaping at her, awkward and frozen. Harry, caught completely off guard, watches her, stunned. Sally finishes her fake orgasm and goes back to eating her lunch as if nothing happened.

After Sally finishes and calmly resumes eating, a nearby customer is approached by the server for her lunch order. “I’ll have what she is having,” the elderly lady replies with a poker-straight face.

If this is not funny to you, we can’t be friends! (Just kidding!)

Themes and Symbolism

The deli scene is culturally important owing to its central themes. The scene and the iconic dialogue, “I’ll have what she's having,” are not mere comedic elements of the narrative.

The discussion between Sally and Harry, whether men can tell when women fake an orgasm, explores both the male and the female perspectives around the topic, through the leads.

The scene begins with Sally’s discomfort as a woman with the fact that her male friend has meaningless sex with women and ghosts them after. She knows that she can’t really tell him what to do, yet she doesn’t shy away from pushing him to do the right thing. Suddenly, something that Harry says opens a real window of opportunity for her to beat him at his own game.

“Hey, I don’t feel great about this either, but I don’t hear anyone complaining,” says Harry, justifying his casual hookups and ghosting.

Sally chimes in with her comments about sexual intimacy from a female perspective, reminding Harry that women often fake orgasms. To that, Harry, confidently claiming that that has never happened in his intimate encounters, is reflective of the prevailing mindset in the society around the topic. As a man, he would know when a woman is “faking it.”

Sally constantly reminding Harry that “most women have faked an orgasm at least once in their life” spotlights the sad reality of female sexuality in our society. Due to our own mental taboos about sex and sexuality, even today, we still don’t talk about sex. Naturally, both men and even women are ignorant about sexual pleasure, especially female pleasure. At the same time, patriarchy raises men to associate their masculinity with their performance in bed. Thus, women often end up faking an orgasm to not offend their male counterparts, or just to boost their ego.

Harry’s arrogance about his knowledge of sex and female pleasure mirrors the misconceptions that men often have about female pleasure, just because we do not talk about them openly. Talking about sex with a man who’s not your sexual partner is not something we’re used to yet. Where I come from (although we created the Kamasutra), and there are so many other countries like ours, even spouses don’t openly discuss their sexual desires. Surprisingly, it’s awkward!

The deli scene single-handedly destigmatizes the boundaries around male-female friendships and talking about sex between opposite genders. At the same time, it destigmatizes talking about female pleasure—literally asking Harry to rethink his claims in bed.

This one scene poses important questions in a simple banter between two friends, and then a humorous outburst. Questions such as, “What does it mean to casually hook up with someone?” “How much do men actually know about female sexuality?” “Why don’t men and women discuss sex openly with each other?”

The scene has the perfect thematic bookend. After Sally fake “finishes,” the elderly female customer at the nearby table places her order with her server, “I’ll have what she is having.” On the surface, the line subtly hints at the sexual loneliness that elderly single or widowed women experience.

Credit: Columbia Pictures

But think about it, coming from an elderly woman, who’s lived her fair share of life, and quite possibly had her fair share of sexual partners, the line is a direct commentary on the fact that women love orgasms just as much as men do. An old woman, in a story set in the 80s, trying to order a sandwich that can make her orgasm, represents the clear consensus among the women in the late 80s (and in all universes and timelines) that orgasms are welcome. Back then, (and even today) women willingly fake it (and that too really well), to better their stakes in romance and keep their man happy.

So, at 80 or 20, if that sandwich that Sally is eating can give her an orgasm like what she just saw explode before her eyes, it is worth every penny!

When Harry Met Sally… is the perfect rom-com to watch to start your rom-com journey. Let us know which are your other favorite moments from this iconic cult classic.